There is an internet meme citing “don’t feel bad when you see your crush with someone else… think of it as donating your old toys to poor”.
Sounds funny but there’s one thing that always comes into my mind, you are just my crush but each time I see you with someone else I ask… are you? Are you really that old toy? Or in some corner of my heart, are you still that soft toy which I want to hug each time I see it? The emotions speak for itself but letting you go would not have been the best decision I ever took. Maybe, maybe I should have tried a bit longer, played a surplus amount of time to get you but did I? This is the question I ask myself, where you my heart, once?
They say chatting is a waste of time but did they ever tell that the person with whom you are chatting with is the prize? You were my prize, the prize I tried to win by keeping myself awake late night, sometimes those dark, lusty nights turned into mornings, mornings full of new hopes but also on the other end, you were being close to me through that crazy little window they call the phone. Then again to assay you for being my ultimate trophy I had to wait for another aesthetic dark night full of you in my heart and on my phone.
Our relationship, though was never a relationship, but it was still an illusion for my heart to see ourselves in a single photo frame, smiling, giggling and cuddling our emotions out. But could we ever make into that photo frame? We didn’t and again I’m the guy to be blamed. It was always me, it wouldn’t have killed me to pluck a rose, bend over my knees and tell you… tell you those absurd words but it would have definitely killed me if I had to hear that ugly word.
Is this emotional? Yes it is. Emotions run through our heart and appear in any shape our heart wants it to blend it in. Running of brine through our eyes is not the only emotions, me writing this is my emotions and expecting you to run and come back to me is one. Did I mention expectations?
Expectations… standing upto your expectations. I couldn’t do that or maybe I thought I could never do that. Is it again my flaw? I’m imperfect but maybe shy enough to not try and be the Batman you always looked for. You wanted a Batman, that serious, focused guy with a goal. On the other hand there was I with only one goal and that was you. Maybe… I was the Batman but afraid enough to come out of the dark.
The time has wrenched me, so has my heart. Now I see you holding hands and walking on those pale, dried fall leaves with someone else. For some you maybe the old toy Senorita, but for me you will always be the soft toy I want to cuddle with.